TODAY in GOOP, Gwynnie celebrates President’s Day, even though she’s a traitorous expatriate who lives in the U.K. where they don’t even have presidents. She admits President’s Day is a “seemingly rando holiday” (totes love that she’s bringing back “rando," obvi), but it’s also a good time to venture some place fun and macrobiotic during the 3-day weekend (p.s. I know NO ONE who actually gets President’s Day off, besides middle schoolers). But wait, if you don’t live near NYC, Boston, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, you are shit out of luck for expensive farm to table luxury three-day weekend resort recommendations.
None of the 10 fancy getaways mentioned are located outside of the east coast or California. That’s right, Omaha, Gwyneth Paltrow just gave you the bird. Enjoy your President’s Day, Denver, you terrible terrible city. Surprise, Memphis! You’re worthless! Here’s my favorite of Gwynnie’s favorites.
This room, with the picnic table and the Playmate cooler and the pile of wood is exactly the sort of concept a person on hallucinogenic mushrooms would design, no? It’s only $89 a night and kitschy and hilarious until you realize there’s no wifi, so yeah, maybe get your outdoors fix by purchasing a thousand dollars worth of gear from REI from a guy named Tad who just got back from Burning Man. You know, like a real camper. Okay, enough of that. Gwynnie also included an accessible jewelry guide for Valentine’s Day.
Her suggested tokens and baubles range in price from $235 to $13,000. Which reminds me, once, for Valentine’s Day, a boyfriend made me a really cool, creative, colorful homemade card. He printed it at my place and used up all my ink and then we broke up the next day, in a car, stopped at a railroad track while waiting for a train, which was really awkward, considering we both wanted to get of that car as soon as possible and never look at each other again. But like, I also wanted to ask for $30 for a color ink cartridge, right? Just last year on Valentine’s Day I walked around a grocery store for two hours searching for some kind of sugary confection that doesn’t exist, and ultimately left the store empty handed because there’s no such thing as a dark chocolate peanut butter English toffee Aero bar. At least not at HEB in central Texas. Then, I went to a Pet Smart and adopted a second cat. So yeah, a 1.07 carat antique Victorian engagement ring for $13,000 definitely sounds reasonable for Valentine’s Day. XOXO!! #thinnestwisp